Cabin Fever

WARNING: This posting has essentially nothing to do with Spain and is a sorry excuse to broadcast my own frivolous complaints.

Its been raining for 3 days in Spain.

I hate rain. I really really really hate rain. Here is why. First of all, it is generally cold. And before you start, don't go waxing poetic on warm rains. I have issues with those too. Just you wait. But the cold is the first problem. With rain, its not just regular cold. Its the bone chilling, doesn't-even-get-better-inside cold because you are usually wet and therefore remain cold even after coming in from the rain.

Second, rain is messy. You can't avoid it. Umbrellas really only keep the top third of you dry. Don't lecture me about those massive umbrellas, either. Last I checked, umbrellas don't shelter your feet. Puddles know no boundaries. And yes, I have heard of rainboots, but really, who wears those unless they expect the rain ahead of time and have a satisfactorily attractive pair so that they don't feel like a complete idiot walking around? I for one, refuse to fork over 120 dollars to j crew for a pair of "wellies" that i will only wear 5 or fewer times a year. Plus, unless you also own the houndstooth jumper, patterned leggings and fashionable rain coat to go with them, they probably still look ridiculous. (And J Crew? Wellies? Really? You aren't British.) And frankly, if I expect the rain ahead of time, I'm probably just going to avoid going outside period unless absolutely necessary.

I digress. Back to the messiness issue. When it rains endlessly for days like it has been here, you always end up with the bottom two inches of your pants soaking wet. If that weren't bad (and cold) enough, the added weight from the water usually means that unless your pants are made out of a rain slicker, they are going to stretch, leaving you with 3 extra inches of wet, stretched out pant for you to step on as you walk through the soaked streets. So there you are: cold, wet and looking like one of those angst ridden teens who wear pants so long that you can barely see the toes of their shiny eggplant-colored doc martens.

Oh, and when it rains there is usually backsplash when you walk so the lower half of the back of your pant ends up stained with muddy splash marks.

And wet sneakers smell worse than a wet mangy dog. Might as well just throw them out.

Alright you warm rain lovers, on to you. I will admit that warm rains are the less evil cousin of cold rains. But warm rains still have the messiness factor. but whats worse is that even if you predict the warm rains, you cant even prepare for them in the same way. Nothing worse than sweating under your raincoat. Those puppies do not breathe. And, post-rain, its usually very humid which means even if you were fortunate enough to have an umbrella on you, your hair is still going to look bad. (If this isn't a problem for you you are probably one of those free, fun loving spirits who doesn't mind if their hair gets messed up or you are one of those lucky punks whose hair looks good all the time without using a straightener, blow dryer or curling iron. if its the former, fine I'm shallow, sue me. If its the latter, you're a b*tch and were in a fight.)

Ok I know this is supposed to be about Spain, so I'm throwing you a bone:

Top 5 things to do when it rains in Madrid:

1) Museums: Check out the Reina Sofia for an astonishing collection of Picasso and Dali, and if you don't like his melting clocks and disfigured faces, learn about his less delusional early years of painting portraits of manly women, mostly from behind.

2) Take shelter in a cerveceria and enjoy witnessing the business lunch crowd openly drink during the workday. Join them.

3) Put on your reading glasses, grab a novel, order a full-fat cappuccino and hole up in a cafe. Pretend your Hemingway (sans substance abuse. or whatever.)

4) Stay home and watch a telenovela on TV. They use glycerin to make it look like they are crying and they are so melodramatic that you dont need to speak the language to understand.

5) Write a pissy blog post about rain.