Cabin Fever

WARNING: This posting has essentially nothing to do with Spain and is a sorry excuse to broadcast my own frivolous complaints.

Its been raining for 3 days in Spain.

I hate rain. I really really really hate rain. Here is why. First of all, it is generally cold. And before you start, don't go waxing poetic on warm rains. I have issues with those too. Just you wait. But the cold is the first problem. With rain, its not just regular cold. Its the bone chilling, doesn't-even-get-better-inside cold because you are usually wet and therefore remain cold even after coming in from the rain.

Second, rain is messy. You can't avoid it. Umbrellas really only keep the top third of you dry. Don't lecture me about those massive umbrellas, either. Last I checked, umbrellas don't shelter your feet. Puddles know no boundaries. And yes, I have heard of rainboots, but really, who wears those unless they expect the rain ahead of time and have a satisfactorily attractive pair so that they don't feel like a complete idiot walking around? I for one, refuse to fork over 120 dollars to j crew for a pair of "wellies" that i will only wear 5 or fewer times a year. Plus, unless you also own the houndstooth jumper, patterned leggings and fashionable rain coat to go with them, they probably still look ridiculous. (And J Crew? Wellies? Really? You aren't British.) And frankly, if I expect the rain ahead of time, I'm probably just going to avoid going outside period unless absolutely necessary.

I digress. Back to the messiness issue. When it rains endlessly for days like it has been here, you always end up with the bottom two inches of your pants soaking wet. If that weren't bad (and cold) enough, the added weight from the water usually means that unless your pants are made out of a rain slicker, they are going to stretch, leaving you with 3 extra inches of wet, stretched out pant for you to step on as you walk through the soaked streets. So there you are: cold, wet and looking like one of those angst ridden teens who wear pants so long that you can barely see the toes of their shiny eggplant-colored doc martens.

Oh, and when it rains there is usually backsplash when you walk so the lower half of the back of your pant ends up stained with muddy splash marks.

And wet sneakers smell worse than a wet mangy dog. Might as well just throw them out.

Alright you warm rain lovers, on to you. I will admit that warm rains are the less evil cousin of cold rains. But warm rains still have the messiness factor. but whats worse is that even if you predict the warm rains, you cant even prepare for them in the same way. Nothing worse than sweating under your raincoat. Those puppies do not breathe. And, post-rain, its usually very humid which means even if you were fortunate enough to have an umbrella on you, your hair is still going to look bad. (If this isn't a problem for you you are probably one of those free, fun loving spirits who doesn't mind if their hair gets messed up or you are one of those lucky punks whose hair looks good all the time without using a straightener, blow dryer or curling iron. if its the former, fine I'm shallow, sue me. If its the latter, you're a b*tch and were in a fight.)

Ok I know this is supposed to be about Spain, so I'm throwing you a bone:

Top 5 things to do when it rains in Madrid:

1) Museums: Check out the Reina Sofia for an astonishing collection of Picasso and Dali, and if you don't like his melting clocks and disfigured faces, learn about his less delusional early years of painting portraits of manly women, mostly from behind.

2) Take shelter in a cerveceria and enjoy witnessing the business lunch crowd openly drink during the workday. Join them.

3) Put on your reading glasses, grab a novel, order a full-fat cappuccino and hole up in a cafe. Pretend your Hemingway (sans substance abuse. or whatever.)

4) Stay home and watch a telenovela on TV. They use glycerin to make it look like they are crying and they are so melodramatic that you dont need to speak the language to understand.

5) Write a pissy blog post about rain.

Random rants and observations...

Ok, so here are some random observations about Spain:

1) They don't have dryers here. So, they hang everything out on the line and then iron it. Also, lots of families have live-in nannies, who do the ironing everyday, as there is a lot of it to do when you hang everything out on the line. This translates to very little privacy. If you weren't satisfied by everyone in the neighborhood seeing your assortment of thongs hanging out the family window, then you will likely be humiliated when your underwear are then ironed and neatly folded by the 50 year old nanny. I would not share this kind of information with my own mother. Yet, all of northern Madrid and my host family know the contents of my underwear drawer. Freaky.

Word to the wise: if you plan a similar trip, learn this simple, perhaps not grammatically accurate but functional, phrase: "Gracias, pero tu no necesitas planchar mi ropa interior." Translation: "its not necessary for you to iron my underwear."

2) Soon I will post a picture of some of the parking offenses I have observed here. The cars are all very compact, and therefore fit into extremely small spaces. You find cars parked in the most unlikely places, such as in the four feet of space between a car and the corner of a street when a car hasnt quite pulled up to the end...another car will just back in, with the back of the car against the sidewalk, perpendicular to the flow of traffic. Also, you can parallel park in whatever direction you want, it seems. Facing with the flow of traffic, against, whatever strikes your fancy. This could come in handy if you say, are blind in one eye or have a pinched nerve that prevents you from looking left. Other than that, I ask, why not park the proper direction? And if you do have one of the aforementioned ailments, should you really be driving? is that safe?

3) I was recently robbed on the subway. I was taking all precautions that they recommend to tourists to guard my belongings when it happened. (Apparently, I don't blend well) I had a hidden zipper purse that fits under my shoulder. I would like to add an addendum to said rule:

A tall blonde tourist who speaks English should carry a purse that fits under her shoulder with a hidden zipper made of steel or other impenetrable material.

The crazy b*tch cut a hole in my purse, made off with my wallet and camera. How skillful is that?

And, she used my credit card immediately, which meant that I had to go to the police station and file a report. Nothing like being confronted with spanish legal jargon to take the wind out of your sails about your quickly improving spanish skills. The policeman thought I was an idiot.
Incidentally, I'm now more upset about my camera. I mean, my facebook profile is going to suck. Que mal suerte.

Anyone know where I can buy a metal briefcase in Madrid?

Less Blogs = More Fun

So I haven't updated in awhile. This is because I sort of got a life and no longer have time to write about every little thing that happens to me. That's a good thing.

However, there are some funny things that have happened to me recently. Let's see...

I went to Berlin 2 weeks ago. If you know me at all, you probably know that I have literally the worst travel luck ever. Seriously. You know how you will always remember that one time you got stuck in a freak snowstorm on Christmas eve and missed your plane home, or the time you got stranded in Nowhere, Indiana in a seedy motel? Well, I do not remember these types of experiences. Why? Because its happened to me so many times, I literally can't distinguish the memories from each other. (this might have something to do with the fact that I'm from New Mexico and am frequently trying to fly there over holidays, etc. I love New Mexico, but there is literally no reason to go there unless you live there. Think about it. Why would you need to connect through Albuquerque? Its a convenient stop to nowhere. The only possible way it could be of use is if youre going to Mexico, and in that case, Pheonix and Dallas pretty much have that covered.)

Anyway, this time was no different. I got to the airport smoothly on Friday afternoon, checked in...(all in spanish, I was quite proud). I even bought a trashy magazine for 5 euro (~6 dollars) in the airport bookstore because I was so excited to see an American magazine, I didn't care how much it cost. Anyway, I get to my gate and....wait. And wait. And wait some more.

Turns out it was snowing in Prague, where I had to connect through. So we boarded about 45 minutes late, and then waited on the runway for another 45 minutes. My connection in Prague was only an hour layover. I was getting nervous. However, it was only 2 pm, so I figured there would probably be another flight to Berlin that night.

Why I was so optimistic, considering my prior history, I have no idea. I got to Prague to discover that my flight to Berlin was the last of the night. Great. Anyway, the Czech people are very nice and they put me up in a Marriott hotel and paid for my meals. (The paid-for meal, by the way, was hysterical. The voucher said to go to the dining room at the hotel. I did, as did a few other stranded passengers. The restaurant was fairly swanky. The waiters were very polite and friendly, until we showed them the voucher. Their faces fell, and they silently went to the back and pulled out several identical plates of meat and potatoes that looked like they had been sitting there for about 6 hours. We were feeding out of the slop tray. It was pretty hysterical.)

Anyway, after my odd dinner, I decided to make the most of my trip and caught a bus into old town Prague and gave myself a mini tour. It was fun. I wandered around, took some pictures and then warmed up in a little wine bar that specializes in Moravian wines. Moravian wines, as it were, are not very good. However, I made friends with the owner, who was thrilled to have an opportunity to practice his English. It was a good time, all in all.

I did finally get to Berlin the next morning, where my friend Sheri was waiting for me, which was lovely. (The poor girl had spent two hours the night before i the airport looking for me, but since her cell phone is american and mine is spanish, getting a hold of each other in the Czech Republic and Germany was, well, a little short of impossible.) We had a fabulous weekend touring around Berlin and hanging out with her friends from a summer internship she did in Berlin. We learned some valuable lessons as well. I.E. its freezing in Germany and most people use heat sparingly. Heed my warning...pack sweaters. And socks. Lots of them. And if all else fails, meaning you packed for the weather to be about 20 degrees warmer, order a beer...they are HUGE.